The Apologize Saga: Part 5: Haunting Memories
by Uzumaki Fenix
Summary: Leaving Trilogy part 2. Memories can never be changed, no matter how much we may want them too. The Tracy's begin to remember when Alan went missing and the events that led up to it. * Features major Scott guilt flashbacks * ONESHOT SERIES PART 5


_**Haunting Memories**_

_Memories last a lifetime. Some may haunt you forever, while others reminded you of the good times. But memories can never be changed, no matter how much we may want them too._

**Well, I'm here with part 5 of TAS! Well, uh…bye**

**Just kidding! Anyway, in this part, Scott's memories begin to haunt him. AND we get to learn some stuff about the always in control man that you never heard of! Who wants to read about Scott in his TEENAGE years? He was a… Nope, not going to spoil it! Wow… I'm evil…or is it sinister? I'm sinisterly evil!**

* * *

_"You not only chased away Alex, but you chased away Alan, too."_

Scott kicked the wall in his room in frustration. He instantly regretted it. "Ow, ow, ow, ow," he muttered, hobbling over to his bed and sat down on the blue blanket. He rested his head on his hands, leaning forward on his knees as Gordon's words once more haunted his consciousness.

_"You not only chased away Alex, but you chased away Alan, too."_

The words wouldn't leave him alone as memories raced though his sub-consciousness.

**Flashback**

_"Scotty?"_

_Fifteen-year-old Scott Tracy turned towards his bedroom door to see five-year-old, blond-haired and blue eyed, Alan Tracy, stood, clutching a teddy bear in his small arms. "What are you doing up, Allie?" he asked. "You're bedtime was over two hours ago."_

_"I…I had a bad dweem…" Alan whispered, sniffling as his drew an arm across his face, wiping away the tears._

_Pushing the small, black, roller chair back from his desk, Scott stood up and walked over to his little brother, and picked him up. Giving him a hug, Scott walked over to his bed and sat down, setting the youngest Tracy on his lap. "What was your dream about, kiddo?" he asked gently, rocking the baby of the family back and forth._

_Alan looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "There was snow. Lots and lots of snow. It was so…so…cold!" Alan stared into his brother's eyes as he continued. "Mommy was there… she was telling me to run… but I couldn't! I was stuck! Mommy picked me up, and then… It huwt, Scotty…" Tears continued to fall down his face as he buried his face in his older brother's chest._

_Scott's eyes widened in horror at what Alan was telling him._ 'He remembers. Oh, God. He remembers,'_ he thought in horror as he clutched his 'little boy' tighter. He whispered soothingly to his little brother as the five-year-old ever so slowly drifted off to sleep._

_.~*~._

_It had been two years after Lucy Tracy had been killed in the avalanche that nearly claimed the then four-year-old Alan's life as well. Sixteen-year-old Scott Tracy sighed as he sat in the car on their way home from the hospital for the weekly check-up._

_"Dad," he whined, "I've got my license now! Why can't I drive?!"_

_Jeff Tracy was getting slightly miffed at his oldest child. "Because," he began, never taking his eyes off the road to look at his son in the passenger seat, "I said so. We're going to try and get home in **one** piece this time."_

_"I **only** flipped the car once!"_

_"And ended up in a coma for a week because of it with three broken ribs, a broken collarbone, and a broken leg. Alan was in the car with you!" Jeff growled, remembering when Scott had gone to pick up his little brother from preschool. That had been six months ago. He had been going too fast on a dirt road…and flipped the car._

_In the back seats, John, Virgil, and Gordon all watched in amazement as father and son bickered. They then all turned to look at the sleeping little Alan -resting his head on Virgil's shoulder-, who was still sporting a cast on his right arm and leg, and a scar on his forehead from his misadventure._

_"He wasn't **that** badly hurt!" Scott argued, immediately regretting the words as Jeff slammed both feet on the brakes, making everyone to move at least two inches forward in their seats. They stopped on the side of the interstate, long skid marks following the car._

_Alan woke up with a start and cried out in pain as his leg banged against the back of the driver's seat. Virgil immediately put a hand over the boy's mouth, whispering, "Shhh, Allie. I'll make it better in a minute."_

_Jeff's face was livid. His knuckles were white as he clutched the steering wheel tightly. "Out of the car. **Now**," he said calmly, making the younger kids flinch. They knew their father was beyond pissed. In fact, he hadn't been this pissed since the day six-year-old Alan started saying a bunch of cuss words and they couldn't figure out where he had learned them. That had been a fun two days… Turned out that it was one of Scott's friends that he had over –which he wasn't supposed have over._

_Scott quickly did as he was told. He unbuckled, and stepped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. Jeff turned in his seat to look at his other children. "John, you watch your brothers. Make sure Allie's okay. And keep him calm," he added, seeing his youngest's frightened, and pained, face. John nodded, and Jeff stepped out of the car._

_John turned to look at his youngest brother, whose eyes were wide with fear. "Allie, it's okay," he whispered, gently brushing his blond sibling's soft, golden hair._

_Alan looked at his older brother questioningly. "Scotty's gonna get in trouble, isn't he?" he asked. John sighed and nodded, turning to look at the two figures not far from the car._

_Meanwhile, Jeff was yelling at Scott._

_"I can't believe you said that! Alan was in a coma for **two** weeks! The doctors didn't even think that he would wake up! He's lucky to be alive!" Jeff shouted. Scott flinched as Jeff continued. "How can you say that he was barely hurt? I trusted you to pick him up from school! I specifically told you **not** to speed. And what do you do? You speed. On a dirt road. **Then**, you tried to turn! Hell, **you're** lucky to be alive!"_

_Scott was getting fed up. He couldn't stand this any longer. "I cannot believe you! You're putting all the blame on me! It wasn't my fault!"_

_"Don't you **dare** tell me it wasn't your fault. Who was driving? Was Alan driving? Was there another car on the road? NO!"_

_Scott couldn't take it any longer. Without a word, he turned and walked back to the car._

_"Don't you turn your back on me."_

_Scott paused and muttered, "I just did."_

_"What did you just say to me?"_

_"Nothin'."_

_"Scott Carpenter Tracy, you **will** look at me when I am talking to you."_

_Instead of answering, Scott opened the car door, got in, and slammed the door shut._

_Alan looked at his brother with wide and frightened eyes. "Scotty?" he began._

_Scott's face was filled with anger as he turned to look at his youngest sibling. "SHUT THE F*** UP!"_

_Alan's eyes filled with tears while John's, Virgil's, and Gordon's eyes widened in shock at what their older brother had just said. Jeff silently got into the car and -not saying word one to Scott- began driving, unaware of what had just happened._

_.~*~._

_All he saw was red. His felt his blood boil in anger. All at once, his emotions came out. "YOU LITTLE! HOW COULD YOU!"_

_"Scotty! I'm sorry! It was an accident!" Little Alan tried to explain, but Scott would have none of it._

_"GET OUT! GET OUT!!! MAN, I WISH YOU HAD NEVER BEEN BORN! GET LOST! I HATE YOU!!!"_

_Alan's eyes widened in shock and sorrow. He ran out of the room with tears streaming down his face. He stood in the doorway as Scott ran into the room. "I'm sorry, Scotty," he whispered._

_"I. Don't. Care. Get. The. Hell. Away. From. Me."_

**End Flashback**

Scott stood up and walked over to his closet. Opening the door, he reached up to the top shelf and pulled out a shoebox. Walking back to his bed and sitting down, he lifted the lid of the box and stared silently at the contents within. A single tear streaked his cheek.

Inside was the shattered remains of the former red glass rocket his mother had given him eleven years earlier. The same one that Alan had shattered three years later.

Also in the box was a picture frame. The picture consisted of his seventeen-year-old self playing with seven-year-old Alan by the sandbox in the backyard of their Kansas home.

A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. "Come in," he softly replied, never taking his eyes off the glass shards and the picture.

Jeff Tracy poked his head through the door, saw his eldest child, and sighed. He walked into the room and silently closed the door behind him. He hated what he had to do.

"Scott, we need to talk."

~Thunderbirdsarego~

_"You not only chased away Alex, but you chased away Alan, too."_

How? Why? How could he have said those words? Why did he say those hateful words? Especially to his oldest brother, who was still beating himself up over that fact. His eldest brother had changed so much since that day.

Gordon kicked a rock into the stream, watching the water ripple as the rock made contact and sank to the bottom. Tufts of dirt rose through the water from where the rock landed, upsetting the beauty of it all.

He felt horrible. Truly dirty. He could still see Scott's face when he had come home that day seven years ago…

**Flashback**

_Eleven-year-old, Gordon Cooper Tracy sighed as he stared out at the rain. 'Why is Alan getting all the attention? Why'd he run off? Stupid kid,' the redhead thought angrily. Immediately he took it back. 'How could I say those things about Allie? He's the best little brother in the world! My only little brother…'_

_His head turned sharply as he heard the front door open, letting a cold wind sweep the rain in. His father and eldest brother stood in the doorway not saying a word. Gordon watched as John walked over to them and they spoke in low voices. Suddenly, John let out a cry of fear, pain, and shock. He crumpled to the ground as their father quickly knelt down and hugged the older blond Tracy._

_Gordon couldn't understand it. What was going on? Where was Alan? Gordon ran upstairs into Virgil's room, only to find the thirteen-year-old crying on his bed. "Virge? What's going on?" Gordon asked. He received no reply as the sobs grew louder._

_Gordon ran out of the room. He couldn't stand the fact that his brother's were crying. What was going on? He ran downstairs, meeting Scott at the bottom. Scott picked up his water-loving younger brother and carried him over to the couch. "Scotty, what's going on? Where's Alan?" Gordon asked, not understanding why Scott was crying. Scott **never** cries._

_"Gordy…Alan…Allie's been…kidnapped."_

_Gordon laughed. "Yeah, right. Alan would stomp on any stranger's foot if they tried to kidnapped him."_

_Scott glared at his brother. "Gordon, we saw the security tape from the traffic camera on the lamp post. Gordo, Alan never stood a chance."_

_"No…You're lying! Alan's waiting out in the car, isn't he? You're all just playing a joke on me! Nobody's taken Alan!" Tears streaked the eleven-year-olds face as he struggled free out of Scott's grasp. He raced into the kitchen and out the back door, ignoring his family's cries for him to come back._

_He had to find Alan. He **had** to!_

_"ALAN!" he screamed as he ran across the yard without any shoes on. He slipped in the mud a couple of times as the rain continued to pour down heavily. "ALAN!" He reached the gate and flung it open. He raced through it, entering the driveway where the lone car was parked. He began to bang on the tinted windows, desperate to see his baby brother._

_No response came from the car._

_Gordon fell to his knees as the truth finally began to sink in. He was unaware of his family gathering around him, nor was he aware of his father picking him up and carrying him back to the house._

**End Flashback**

"Scott was…he was so upset. That day changed him, and now I've brought it up again. I'm such an idiot!" Gordon growled, punching the ground.

"Gordon?"

Gordon turned at his older brother's voice. "Hey, Virgil. Just thinking about what an idiot I've been." He sat down at the stream's edge.

"Gordo-" Virgil began as he sat down next to his brother. Gordon shook his head and sighed.

"Don't even go there, Virg. Please, don't go there." Gordon looked up at his older brother. "Did we hurt you? Sorry for pushing you into the pool, man…"

"It's okay. Besides, with you here, I should be used to it by now."

Gordon laughed. After a few minutes he sobered. "I'm such an idiot."

"That's the third time you've said that. Try saying something different. And I don't mean calling yourself an idiot in another language," Virgil added. Gordon shut his mouth. "Gordon," Virgil began again, "what's really bothering you? It's not like you to just snap at Scott like that. You two have been really close, and then Alex comes and-"

"That's just it. Alex is like a younger brother to me, and we're sending him away. Those maniacs are still out there! What if they find him again?!" Gordon asked, not looking at his older brother. "He's so much like Alan… I know Scott sees that too! Maybe…maybe that's why he acts so hostile to him?"

Virgil looked at his younger brother in amazement. "You know what? I think you're right!"

Gordon looked up. "Huh?"

"Don't you see? That's why Scott reacted so badly when you mentioned that he chased away Alex!"

"You had to bring that up, didn't you?"

"Scott must believe that if he gets to close to Alex, he's going to end up hurting him as well! He's afraid of history repeating!"

~Thunderbirdsarego~

"I'm afraid."

Jeff looked up from where he was sitting. Both him and Scott were sitting on the bed, both neither saying anything, letting silence engulf them. So it was only natural that Jeff was startled when Scott spoke after ten minutes of silence. "Huh?"

Scott continued starring at the picture in his hands. "Gordon was right. I did chase away Alex, just like I chased away Alan seven years ago. I was afraid of the past repeating itself, and since Alex is so much like Alan, I've tried to stay away from him. But by doing that, I've made the past repeat! I've done the very thing I swore I wasn't going to do!"

Jeff was shocked at what his son was telling him. _'Is that what's been going on? He's been afraid?'_ he wondered. "Scott-"

"Don't even say it wasn't my fault Alan was kidnapped. I chased him out of the house…" Tears began to streak Scott's face. Without a second thought, Jeff wrapped his arms around his oldest son.

~Thunderbirdsarego~

Tin-Tin laughed as she pulled John out of the river. His expression was one of extreme annoyance, mainly targeted at her. "What? Is wittle Johnny wet?" she asked playfully.

"Not funny," the wet blond grumbled. _'Man! We got pulled pretty far away from that ledge! Who would've thought the current was that strong!'_

Tin-Tin laughed anyway as she finished pulling John out of the river. "Easy, big guy. You're on earth now."

John glared at her. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you spend what, three weeks on a space station out of every month? Who knows how many times you've had the gravity off so you could chase floating chocolate bars around, trying to see how many you could catch within five minutes."

"Who told you that?!"

Tin-Tin was genuinely shocked. She had just been kidding. But before she could say anything, the last of the sun's rays illuminated a still form lying on the bank a mere thirty feet away. "John? Is…Is that who I think it is?"

John followed her gaze and saw the same thing she saw. "Dear God, I think you're right."

Without further words, both ran through the shallow water toward the fallen teenager, their heels kicking up water as they ran. They reached the form in record time and both wasted no time in pulling him further up the bank and out of the water that covered his lower half. They were appalled at his condition. His left arm was currently angled wrong and blood trickled from a cut on his forehead. Other than that, he seemed fine. That is, until they carefully turned him on his back and noticed that his lips and fingernails were blue.

"Shit!" John shouted before beginning CPR. As he came back up for air, he noticed Tin-Tin just standing there. Without a second thought, he pulled off his watch and threw it to her. "Contact Virgil! Tell him to get his ass down here now!" With that, he continued CPR.

Tin-Tin quickly complied.

~Thunderbirdsarego~

"Are you serious? He's afraid of history re-" Gordon didn't have a chance to finish his sentence before Virgil's watch went off. "Sometimes I really hate that thing," he grumbled.

Virgil glared at him before answering the call. "John? What is it?"

_"First off, this isn't John."_

"Tin-Tin?! What the-" Gordon exclaimed, now listening into the conversation.

"_We've found Alex! Looks like he fell off a cliff into a river. He was half submerged when we got there, and that water's **freezing!** John's giving him CPR right now cause he wasn't breathing when we got him out."_

"Shit."

_"Oh, and John says, and I quote, 'Tell Virgil to get his ass down here now!' Oh, I'm sending you the coordinates."_

Virgil's eyes widened. He didn't know John could swear. Or Tin-Tin, for that matter. "Tell him I'm on my way."

_"F.A.B."_ The watch clicked off.

Virgil turned to Gordon, who was currently shell-shocked. "Gordy, go get Scott and Dad. We're going to need some help with this."

Gordon immediately came out of his daze. "F.A.B." With that, he turned around and ran towards the house.

Virgil took off running in the direction of the coordinates.

~Thunderbirdsarego~

Gordon raced through the forest until he reached the pool. He was panting by this time, unaware of how long he had been running, which was almost fifteen minutes. Not stopping for breath, he raced up to the house, his muscles complaining. If he was in the water, he wouldn't have minded, but as it was, it bothered him a lot.

He skidded to a stop outside of Scott's room, where he had heard voices. He pushed open the door, the handle slamming against the wall, and was shocked to see Scott crying into is father's shoulder.

He didn't know what brought on the memory…

**Flashback**

_"**The search for Alan Tracy continues after his abduction five days ago. So far there are no leads on his whereabouts. Police across the state of Kansas ask for your help. If you see a black Mustang with license plate number 285-JFAF, or a boy of this description" **A picture of seven-year-old Alan Tracy appears on the TV **"please contact local authorities right away."**_

_John Tracy turned off the TV, unable to watch any more._

_"Johnny, is Allie really gone?" eleven-year-old Gordon asked._

_John looked at his younger brother and sighed. "Yes, Gordo. Alan's gone."_

_"Will he be back soon?" the redhead asked naively._

_John's eyes filled up with tears, which he fought to keep down. "Someday, Gordy. Someday, an angel will return Alan to us. But until then, we'll just have to pray."_

_"If I pray lots, then can the angel bring Alan home soon?"_

_"Maybe, Gordon, maybe."_

_"I'm going to go and pray! Maybe Mom can find him!"_

_Scott, who had just walked in, froze where he stood. John looked over at his only older brother. Seeing his expression, he turned back to Gordon. "You do that."_

_Gordon, not sensing the mood at the moment, quickly ran off. Unbeknownst to his older brothers, he stood behind a corner, listening to their conversation._

_"John, why are you filling him with hope? We saw the tape! They smashed a beer bottle over Alan's head! His head's to small and skull's too weak! There's no way he could still be alive. We'll be lucky if we can find his body lying somewhere," Scott said coldly._

_"Scott, if we don't have hope that Alan's still alive, then what do we have left? We need to believe he's still alive! If not for Gordon or Virgil, then for Dad! This is killing him!"_

_"And whose fault is it for running off?"_

_Gordon couldn't stand it anymore. "Stop it!" he screamed as he raced around the corner. "Stop it! Alan may have run off, but Scott chased him away!" The eleven-year-old just couldn't stand it anymore. "I hate you, Scott! You drove away my only little brother! I hate you!" With that, the eleven-year-old ran out of the house, leaving his two shocked brothers behind._

**End Flashback**

_'Where the hell did that come from?'_ Gordon wondered as he stared at the scene before him.

Scott jumped like he had been shot when the door had been thrown open. Wiping his eyes with his arm, he asked, "Gordon?"

"Gordon, what is it?" Jeff asked, seeing his second youngest's panicked expression. "Did you find Alex?"

Gordon shook his head, finally coming out of his daze. "Yeah! We found him, and from the sounds of it, he's not in too good of shape. Apparently we have a cliff with a raging river below it on the island. Did you know this?"

"Uh, no…"

"Well neither did Tin-Tin. Anyway, we've got to hurry. Alex wasn't breathing when John and Tin-Tin found him half submerged in the river. I'm sending the coordinates to both your watches."

Scott jumped up and ran out the door before Jeff had a chance to answer.

~Thunderbirdsarego~

Scott glanced at the coordinates on his watch once more as he ran. He wasn't going to let this happen again. He needed to apologize to Alex. He knew how much Alex was like his little brother, not that he would admit it out loud, though.

_'I'm sorry Alan. I chased you out, and then I chased Alex out. This time, I'm going to set things right and find him. I will **not** allow history to repeat itself. I swear, this time, I am going to go home triumphant.'_

**Flashback**

_"I failed, Mom. I…I didn't protect our family…" Eighteen-year-old Scott Tracy told the gravestone that lay in the snow. A tear streaked his cheek and quickly froze in the frigid air. "It's been a year, Mom. Alan's still missing, and the police have given up hope that he's still alive. Hell, I've given up hope._

_"I made him leave. It's my fault that he was kidnapped. If I hadn't gotten mad at him for shattering that red rocket you gave me before you died…" he broke off and stared at the darkening sky. After a couple minutes, he sat down next to the grave, his back leaning against the stone._

_"Dad's changed. He's working more than usual, even more than he did when you died. Alan's abduction has affected him so badly… and it's all my fault… Gordon hates me, and I don't blame him one bit. Virgil hasn't played the piano in so long that I'm wondering if he still can… John…Oh, God, Johnny… Johnny barely says two words to me…_

_"I really screwed up this time, Mom. There's nothing I can do to stop it either." More tears streaked the eldest Tracy son's face as he stared at the sky without speaking. After about thirty minutes, he spoke again._

_"I've joined the Air Force. I head off to Basic Military Training down in San Antonio in three days. I haven't told Dad yet. I…I can't. I don't think he could stand to lose another son. He's already lost so much. First you, then Alan, and now me._

_"He'll probably be happy that I'm gone. He doesn't even look me in the eye anymore. I think it would be for the best if I just disappeared…_

_"I just want to apologize to Allie! I want to take back everything I said! I was angry and I did the stupidest thing…_

_"It's getting really late, Mom. I have to go, but I'll make sure to stop by again before I leave for San Antonio."_

_Scott sighed before getting up. It was now completely dark; not even the stars shown. He turned back to the gravestone one last time. "Mom, if…if Alan is still alive…Bring him home…"_

**End Flashback**

Scott burst through the bushes that separated him from his brothers and Alex. This time, he would make things right.

* * *

**Well, whatcha think? Man, this was a tough one to write! And, no, this ONESHOT series is far from over!**

**For quicker updates, leave longer reviews expressing your feeling to this story. Do NOT leave one liners that say "Update soon" or something like that. That drives me crazy! But, you can add it after a long review!**

**Here's the summary of Part 6: It may change.**

_TAS Part 6 [Leaving Trilogy part 3] Leaving_

Alex manages to escape serious injury from his fall from the cliff into the river with only a broken left arm. This only seems to reinforce Jeff's reasoning that Alex shouldn't remain on the island.

_Surprisingly enough, Gordon agrees._

_The next day, Alex, Gordon, and Jeff board Tracy One and fly to America, specifically the state of Iowa. They leave him with the CPS, who take over from there._

_Meanwhile, Alex is heartbroken. He can't seem to grasp why he was sent away from the family that rescued him, and the family he loved. He becomes depressed and begins to think morbid thoughts._

_By that time, Alex meets his foster sister, Ember Forrester, a Goth. She explains that she sorta went through the same thing seven years ago. However, she doesn't elaborate further. But, she does say that she had then dyed her hair blue and black to hide from her real parents. She suggests that he do the same. She offers to help, but he says no._

_Weeks after finally settling in, Alex begins talking again to his new family. But, that all changes when he receives a letter…_

_From Adam Frost…_

**Ooo…I'm mean… Well, I hope you will tune in for the next chapter! I promise, it will be longer! [and it is…WAY longer…] And I will try to stay within the plotline I have written for it!!! Shadowfox8** **is going to help with that! The next update should be…soon… depending on how many reviews I get!**

**Uzumaki Fenix**


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